This post is based on Week Two of An Ignatian Prayer Adventure.
From out of nowhere, my phone rings. I check the number. One of two things is likely to happen. Either my heart leaps and a huge smile crosses my face (I have been longing for this call.), or I bite my lip and feel my heart recoil a bit (I have to deal with this.). As I pray my daily Examen and look back through my day, it’s not the phone call itself that I ponder with God, but rather the spontaneous gyrations of my heart that it ignited. Where did that come from? I prayerfully wonder, asking for the grace to see myself honestly.
Only in prayer is my reflection this clear. In the presence of God’s overwhelming love, I am safe to admit the source of my desires. Sometimes the source is a healthy desire, like the wonderful bond I have with my daughter, and I am filled with consolation and reaffirmed that time spent interacting with her is indeed where I am called to be. Sometimes the source is an unhealthy desire to build my ego or pass negative judgement on someone. God gently reminds me that he offers me all the ego-stoking I need or that he sees that other as a beloved child, regardless of how that person has acted. I am called to do the same. I do not feel belittled or judged myself, but rather reassured that I can let that unhealthy desire or negativity go, because it isn’t helping me grow to be the person God is calling me to be. Now, in this safe space, I reaffirm my commitment to respond with a heart rooted only in the desire to love and reflect God in this world.
Surely the next time that phone rings my heart will remember this little conversation God and I had. Surely I get it now and can love fully. Well, we will see what tomorrow’s Examen brings.
Image by Niek Verlaan from Pixabay.
Thankyou Lisa.God bless.
Truly inspiring. Thanks. God bless us all.
Always an inspiration, always!
Thank you Elia! The inspiration is of the Spirit not me. Just forwarding it to you all.
Lisa, we followed you through your journey through your diagnosis and treatment. It’s wonderful to know that your treatments were successful and that you are once again able to inspire us with your reflections.
Agreed!
Yay, God!
Thank you Therese! I never imagined the support I have had over the last few years. It made all the difference for me. I hop anyone going through emotional and physical traumas knows how loved they truly are.