At the start of the year, my twins were curious about New Year’s resolutions. They asked a bunch of questions about what they are, why people make them, and finally, if I were going to make one. I hesitated before replying, “I don’t know. When I set a goal, boys, I can get a little passionate about seeing it through. Sometimes that is a good thing, but sometimes that kind of passion can be detrimental.”
Still, they were interested in me setting a goal, one they could help me achieve. I set a goal to walk outside for an average of 25 minutes a day throughout 2025. The average part meant I could be flexible about days I could not walk, which I thought would make the goal more reasonable to achieve. I also was excited about spending 25 minutes outside with my twins. They are boundless sources of energy, so walking outside after school and on weekends would be good for them too.
The first two months of walking went really well. The twins were joining me eagerly each time I walked. Sometimes they walked with me, sometimes they rode their bikes, and sometimes they rollerbladed. Each time they got to tell me everything they wanted to tell me about their days without fighting for time from their older brother, my husband, or my electronic distractions. They had my undivided attention, and they loved it.
As we entered the third month of the year, however, I quickly realized I did not have time to walk 25 minutes every day. Some weekends I found myself walking in excess of three miles each day to catch up with my goal. It didn’t take long before one of my legs started to ache. The pain began in my ankle and moved gradually up to my knee and finally settled in my hip. I did what I could to mitigate the pain. I bought new shoes, I started stretching more regularly, and I even visited the chiropractor. The only thing I did not do was slow down on the walking. After all, my twins were loving their mom time. I was getting some great Vitamin D from the sun, and walking is supposed to be a healthy activity! But the real reason I didn’t slow down was I did not want to fail at my goal.
It occurred to me one afternoon as I was forcing myself to get in a few minutes of walking despite my aching leg that this goal of walking had inadvertently become a disordered attachment for me. Instead of being something positive for my sons and me, it was quickly becoming an impediment. I suddenly came to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk. “What am I doing?” I asked aloud. There was no one to answer my question as my twins had stopped walking with me a few days prior.
It was time to set myself free.
The first thing I did was turn around and walk back home. Then I took a break from walking outside and focused on the stretching, icing, and basic exercises that had been recommended to me for recovery. Third, I asked my twins for forgiveness for forgetting the original purpose of the goal we had set. As I worked to get back to walking sometime in the future, I promised the boys we would find alternatives for spending time together outside. Finally, I returned to praying with the First Principle and Foundation and for the graces God had showered me with at the start of my journey through the Spiritual Exercises.
“Lord,” I prayed, “grant me the grace of freedom from this disordered attachment so that I may be open to what you are inviting me to instead. Help me see the ways it has gotten in the way of the person you created me to be. Help set me free.”
It has been just a few weeks of working through these steps, but not only does my leg feel better, I feel better as well. Letting go of my tight grip on this one thing has opened me up to seeing what else might be possible for me to embrace.
Have you ever had a goal you’ve set for yourself become a disordered attachment? What did you do to set yourself free?
