I am a list-maker. My phone holds lists that vary from items to get at different stores to gifts or recipes for the holidays to project tasks. These are cross-referenced by color coding, deadlines, or people involved. All this list-making gives me a sense of freedom that at least I won’t forget something important. My lists also give me a momentary sense of control to choose if this item is how I want to spend my resources, whether time, money, or social capital. I get to choose, in freedom, what goes on my to-do list each day and what doesn’t. And therein, I find God on every single list.
When I make a daily to-do list, God is not another item to check off the list. Instead, God is in the very words I write down that hour by hour, moment by moment, video call by video call make up my life. To what shall I give my precious time today? Is this something I am being called to do? What is my motivation? How do I need to show up or be present to this task or the next? Where will I prioritize taking care of myself and finding time for prayer?
I will confess to being one of those people who adds things to my list after I have completed them just for the serotonin thrill of crossing it off. What amazes me is how many to-dos lay before me in the coming day, week, or month, but once they are done, they are practically irrelevant; I just move on to the next box to be checked off. Tasks before us can incite a spectrum of emotions, from fear and anxiety to excitement and hope, but once completed, they are so often forgotten. With the thrill of crossing off tasks from the list, it is easy to forget the gratitude and learning called for with each completed task.
This is where the Examen helps, by shining the spotlight on my to-do list every day. Sometimes the tasks I had expected to do had to give way to something unexpected. Ta-da! The God of Surprises is busy again. Sometimes I can see in hindsight that my emotions were way out of proportion to the situation. Ta-da! The grace of wisdom teaches me to recognize the practice of staying grounded. Sometimes I want to cry tears of consolation and gratitude that I was asked to collaborate with the Spirit in that moment. Ta-da! That’s clear evidence to my heart that the Spirit was at work!
Other times when I look back on my day’s to-do list, desolation wells up within me, as I admit my interactions with others were empty, hollow, and surface-level, and I completely missed the opportunity to engage. Even desolation garners a ta-da moment that allows me to recognize and learn. It calls me to pay attention a bit more when I look ahead to the next day.
Without the practice of the Examen, life is easy to miss. Ignatian spirituality calls us to find God in what we are called to do, do it with awareness and collaboration with others, and look back and honor the gifts each day held. Don’t bother looking forward if you don’t also look back to find the “Ta-da!”
Image by Alexandra_Koch from Pixabay (words added).
