It’s a bit odd for me to be writing about how to play, because I’ve never been very good at it—or, at least, for years I did not consider myself someone who “played.” I’m a classic introvert, which means that I lose energy by being around people—I renew my energy by spending time alone. This means that I can enjoy going out with other people, but after a couple of hours I’m ready to go home and recuperate. I’m not that person who goes from house to house or bar to bar on a weekend evening.
Another characteristic of an introvert is our avoidance of an activity if we do not feel competent to do it. This is why I always hated games at parties, where I might be put on the spot. Also, many games require that you think fast, and an introvert’s mental processes do not happen quickly (this has been documented in scientific studies), especially when in the presence of others. We tend not to be the life of the party because we become tongue-tied at the simplest questions. If you pose a question to me and then allow me to go somewhere to think it over, I’ll bring back a brilliant answer. But please don’t require me to come up with a rhyme or a movie title while a timer is ticking and 10 people are staring at me.
It took years for me to understand that play comes in many forms and that I can discover ways to play regardless of my personality type. I know that good recreation for me is a walk along the lakefront or through a city neighborhood, where I can go at my own pace and take in what I see and hear. Often I’m happy to do this kind of recreation by myself.
My husband Jim and I have made multiple camping trips with children and teenagers. I really enjoyed this, but it worked better for me when we had multiple kids who could entertain one another at least part of the time. And Jim would go with them to do something, leaving me at the camp to work on the meal or general housekeeping—or I would go with them for a while, leaving him to grocery shop or work on the fire. (He and I are both introverts.) So we had our family time, but we managed it so that it was truly recreational for everybody.
I consider it a form of play when I walk the dog or get down on the floor with one or more of the cats. It doesn’t take a lot of energy, but I’m moving and enjoying myself and feeling no pressure.
Please consider your temperament when you plan your recreation. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into multiple events that do not attract you. Of course we must all go to events out of obligation sometimes, especially if we’re with children or grandchildren. But we owe it to ourselves and to our loved ones to give ourselves experiences that fit our needs and that help us play in a way that feels like play.
What have you learned over the years about personality type and recreation? Please share your wisdom.
Thanks Vinita. Playing and praying, alone and in teams, can be healthy and refreshing.
Vinita, This is so funny and strange that I just came in from a walk with my dog on a chilly day in the mountains and felt so blest to be walking along the shore of the lake with no one around, just listening to the rustle of the leaves and the small waves hitting the shore line. A little piece of Heaven for me, an introvert, as well. I think we are cut from the same mold! I totally freeze when at a party and everyone says, “Let’s play a game!” Ugh! Usually this happens at a staff day away, which even heightens my anxiety! My husband is also an introvert. I can, however, turn the energy on for awhile, much easier than he can. Together, our quiet vacations with light conversations with those we meet, suits us just fine. 🙂
Love this post! After 49 years of marriage into an extremely extroverted family, I have only recently convinced myself and my husband that it is not unsociable to seek periodic quiet and solitude. Few extroverts could labor in silence for twelve years writing a trilogy that aims to bring others to God through history, as I have. In freely embracing my personality type, I am finally free to acknowledge the fun and relationship-preserving actions of my more extroverted kin.
I’m resting right now with my cat on my lap. I just put aside the book I was reading By Jodi Picoult, By any other name.
Jody writes of two women Melina a young Play right in New York and Emilia Bassano whose family Were Italian musicians in the court of Elizabeth the first. Emilia was a playwright and May have authored some of Shakespeare’s plays.
So I have much to ponder as I rest my eyes before I go to dinner with my fellow residence at Waltonwood.
I too feel restored after my alone time.
Thanks for sharing your story
Vinita, you and I sound like soul sisters! I too am an introvert. I enjoy a couple of hours with friends; then I need to be quiet to recharge my social battery. Years ago I enjoyed games like Clue and Monopoly. They are tame compared with some newer games (strategizing and re-fighting historic battles? No thank you.) I love being in beautiful places, even my own back porch. I went on a visit to New York City (my home town) with my daughter and nine year old grandson. While I enjoyed it tremendously, some of my favorite times were when they went in search of Legos and I got to sit quietly and think.
I liked your article about play. I am the complete opposite of you. I seek out fun and love games at parties. However, as a woman religious and as I age my, I like more and more to close my door to my room and spend more quiet time. I have always loved to color so my journal is my coloring book and prayer space. I’m not an artist but God doesn’t care nor do I. Thanks for sharing yourself with your readers
Pat Madden SSJ
THANK YOU! This is brilliant. I say this because you described me – and gave permission to be … me. Becaue I can give presentations or speak before groups, people laugh when I say that I am an introvert. You so accurately outline characteristics that I see in myself. I love Ignation Spirituality and always benefit from the posts, especially yours, but today was the best. Thank you. (Introverts of the world unjite – separately!)
As another introvert you have no idea how much your article touched me! What a relief to understand myself better. Thank you!
I resonate with you very much, Vinita. Until now, I always thought there was something wrong with me because I felt this way. But I realize now that there are at least two of us, more of us!
Thank you for your enlightening article!
I’m also a classic introvert and it took participating in an adult formation course in my diocese where I had to take the Myers-Briggs test over a three day period to discover it. I had always felt out of the loop and even inadequate because of all the things you mentioned: taking so long to come up with an answer; not wanting to participate in games at parties; turning down invites to big gatherings.
In effect, I just felt happy being alone, reading and doing activities like cooking that didn’t require other people.
Although I was a teacher and was successful at it, that was because I was able to develop the necessary skills to do something I loved. But, by and large, I’ve always liked being alone or with the few friends I have.
When I was given the results of the Myers-Briggs test, it was such an eye opener and a great relief. I finally understood myself better and in turn, understood why people treated me differently and/or reacted to me as they did. I thank God for that experience because it brought me peace and understanding. Thank Vinita. I follow you and own some of your books.God bless you.
I’m just like you Vinita. J used yo think there was something wrong with me because I didn’t like playjng games. I can play with family and close friends but no anyone else. I worry for days about events that are fun for other people.
I love the quiet things – walks, pets, the garden and art and crafts.
What a refreshing read this was! You describe me down to the finest detail and I feel a kinship with all who relate as an introvert. It’s difficult at times to be in a roomful of jovial people but I have come to a great peace in being an observer and feeling throughout the room just where I might fit in and who I might have an interesting conversation with. It takes so much energy to try and “rise” to these occasions. Far better to rest back and be content with the way that God has made me. But it’s taken me too many years to learn this! The benefit of older age I guess.
FEELING LIKE ‘JOHNNY OUT ‘OF STEP. MY MIND WOULD GO BLANK IN A GROUP. ETC, I AM HAPPY JUST ENJOYING NATURE, AND A SMALL GROUP OF FRIENDS; ETC.
I WAS MADE FREE AROUND 35 AFTER TAKING A MYERS-BRIGG TEST. IT WAS ONE OF THE BIGGEST GIFTS GIVEN TO ME. COMPLETE CHANGE IN CAREERS. (NOW RETRED, BUT BACK TO COLLEGE AND WAS IN HOSPITAL MINISTRY.) I THANK THE HOLY SPIRIT EACH DAY.
I love Vinitas comments and her stories. Im an introvert as is our oldest daughter and after a while with family gatherings we both need to escape to a quiet place for a time.